I've finally figured out a way to keep my room clean: PERIODICALLY HAVE VISITORS.

GENIUS.

Why I love Joe Rogan:

Just look at the way things are heading… we never stop breeding no matter HOW bad the traffic gets. Isn’t it possible that there are too many fucking people? But you can’t say that, because babies are beautiful and the most loving creatures on god’s green earth.

I’m not saying babies aren’t cute, I just don’t think you should be allowed to have 16 of them. I read about a chick in Little Rock Arkansas recently that just gave birth to her 16th fucking kid. That has got to be one of the most insane things you could ever see in your life. Those kids must be like wild fucking animals.
I bet they don’t even know how to read. They’re probably just running around like crazed chimps, flinging shit at each other, destroying everything in sight, fucking each other, and killing and eating small animals, while their Zoloft popping, valium taking mother just stands there, white knuckle gripping the bible, doing the best that she can to keep her head from literally fucking exploding.

Awww look at the million dollar smile on Cindy's face

Proof that the world is against me

1. Fear Factor is not a part of German television
2. My favorite Ritter Sport flavor was not at Pennymarkt
3. My bike lock is frozen
4. The balls on my banana eyebrow ring are too big
5. and the actual ring I have makes me look butch
6. Habo, my history teacher, has not e-mailed me back yet, thus making me procrastinate more
   
7. I haven't gotten any action since last year
   
8. I can't take a decent nap anymore
9. My neighbor and his girlfriend had sex in the shower stall next to mine at 11am (I was there first, too)
   

my hair used to be pink

Sorry for all the non-writing posts. I'm too lazy and too stressed. TWO MORE WEEKS.

How to Slap Someone (according to Ed)

Looking through old online photo albums...

I stumbled upon this in my bookmarks.



Man, that was three years ago. Where the hell was the person who took this picture sitting?

James Franco

I would so hit it...

Friday was supposed to be dedicated to laundry and my paper. DID NOT HAPPEN. Cindy got tanked with her neighbor and decided that she wanted to go to this party where her friend was. She kept begging me to go but I was deadset on folding my clothes and writing about the discrimination of women in the German job market. Then Amos butts in and says, "I'll go if she (me) goes." Like that's supposed to be some kind of motivation for me. I mean, if he also offered to write my paper, then hell, I would've paid everyone's entrance fee too but no he didn't offer. After ten minutes of peer pressure, I finally gave in.

I figured, I could go, stay for half an hour and then go home. Well, the party was SO POPPIN' that it had reached its maximum capacity by the time we got there. I was ready to go home but Cindy was determined to get inside and Amos said that we had already made the effort of going all the way there. We waited for an hour in the cold and by the time we got in, the music was really bad. =( So we got some beers. And then more. And more... And the next thing I know, I'm drunk. Totally not my intention. The next morning I woke up with one of the worst hangovers of my drinking career. It was painful to just lie down.

On the upside, I got to know Amos a little more. I swear to God, I'm in love with his fucking facial expressions. But not as much as I'm in love with yours, Vivian.

Playing: ABBA- S.O.S.

It's snowing again. As excited as I was on Thanksgiving when it snowed for the first time, I'm done with it. Snow is overrated. I'm ready for the sun. WHERE THE HELL IS THE SUN? Well, I guess it's good that the weather is bad because it discourages me from going out and makes me actually do work. BUT STILL. I'm freezing my ass off.

Have you ever told anyone that they can go to you for anything and then they do and you think to yourself, "Shit, I didn't think you were actually gonna take me up on it." Last week I told a friend that he could tell me anything so he sends me this long e-mail, entirely in German about his current state of heartache. While I am flattered that he feels comfortable to share his innermost feelings with me, I didn't really know what to say. It seems as if pieces of his heart are still on the floor and with three papers to write, I unfortunately have no time to pick them up. I e-mailed him back and just talked him up a whole bunch and called the Herzbrecherin (female heartbreaker) a bunch of nasty things. Not really much else I can do. But I've found from past experiences that if you tell guys that they have large penises and are amazing in bed, they get over things pretty fast.

Concerning my New Year's resolutions, no, I have not stabbed anyone before. I just made it one because I know that I can at least keep that one. As for my other ones, my next phone bill is DEFINITELY above 50 euros so that will have to go into effect tomorrow because that's when my new cycle begins. I haven't had any coke though! FIZ was supposed to happen this week but I'm stuck writing so I'll try and go this weekend. I'm steering clear of French-speaking Swiss people for the rest of my life so that's not a problem at all. I haven't really been speaking more German. I've only seen Kristian once since the new year but hopefully I'll follow through.

Well, enough procrastinating. Saturday we're going out so in order for me to feel like I deserve to drink my Hausarbeit sorrows away, I have to actually accomplish something.

Listening to: Bob Dylan- Don't Think Twice

Your birthday is in a few days and even though we're not talking anymore, I still feel compelled to acknowledge it. Happy early birthday.

Three weeks ago I had the pleasure of having Miss Gina Conti, my roommate from Davis, come visit me. We spent a few days in Göttingen, went to Hamburg for two days and came back for the party my dorm was having. Jesus H. Christ Gina has some amazing game. I left her for a little bit to talk to someone and I look over and she's making out with some French guy. That party was full of hookups though. I had a whale of a time seeing Gina get her mac on, Cindy go in on her prey, Andrey and Martha suck each others´ mouths dry and Kate straight up VERUNKEN. Verunken is the German word for crunk. Verrückt means crazy and betrunken means drunk so you put em together and voila!

The day after Gina left Cindy, Michele and I headed for Switzerland. First we stopped in Zürich to waste money. We didn't really see the sights or anything. We were starving at around 4pm because we had been training it all day but in Switzerland, most restaurants don't open until 6pm. It was a huge pain in the ass and in the end we ended up having pizza at some American joint called Sam's.

The next morning we took off for Zinal where we would spend the following week. We had three train transfers and after the first transfer, I lost my train ticket and had to buy another one. =( That was the first of MANY bad things that happened to me in Switzerland. I lost A LOT of shit (including my cell phone) which led to me spend boatloads of money. When I came back I calculated my expenses and realized I could've flown home for Christmas.

Anyway, aside from the crapstorm after crapstorm that I experienced, I had fun snowboarding and chilling with the girls. From eating it naked at the sauna to seeing some random drunk guy at the only pub in Zinal wearing Cindy's pashmina. It was an eventful week and I have the bruises (on my bank statement and on my body) to prove it.

Upon arriving in Göttingen I was greeted by a distressed Amy Chou at the train station who had been waiting for what seemed like an eternity for me. I had missed the shuttle to get down the mountain to the train station so instead of her waiting for forty minutes, she had to wait almost three hours. =( Despite that whole ordeal, it was great having my best friend come for a visit. I will never again get the chance to say that Amy and I biked around Göttingen, ate döners and partied it up in Berlin for New Year's so I'm glad we took advantage of the opportunity. She was also exactly what I needed after everything I had been through in Switzerland and I miss her already. <3

As mentioned above Cindy, Michele, Alexis, Amy and I went to Berlin for New Year's. We took a free tour of the city and got conned into buying tickets to their pub crawl. Tickets are normally 10 euros but because it was New Year's it was 30. After two clubs, we lost the group. =( We didn't even make it to the Brandenburger Tor to witness the fireworks. We were stuck on Unter den Linden and just saw the fireworks that people were shooting out of their beer bottles. But we were honestly too drunk to care. I still had an awesome time drinking gross ass Rotkäpchen Sekt with the ladies. =)

2005 was quite a year for me. It's hard to believe that I spent almost half of it here in Germany. In true New Year's fashion I made some resolutions which include...

• speak more German
• have less than a 50 euro phone bill every month
• get my 15 euros worth at FIZ (the gym)
• quit coke
• stay away from French-speaking Swiss guys
• don't stab anyone

Well, I hope everyone had a good break. Despite all the trials and tribulations, I had fun. Now it's cruuuuuuunch time. Three papers all due at the end of this month! o_O

Frohes neues Jahr, SCHLAMPES!'