sad, but true...

OOOH Janellecita: so i found out one of my friends thinks i like them
OOOH Janellecita: and im like, "WTF?!"
Lisa Lee Ng: haha
Lisa Lee Ng: is this friend good-looking ?
Lisa Lee Ng: well of course he's not good-looking or else this would not be an issue

heimwehkrank = homesick

I decided to copy Kate and googled "Janelle needs" and here are the top five results

1. Janelle needs to win.
2. Janelle needs the projection updates by Monday
3. Janelle needs to get closer to her
4. Janelle needs to qualify her leased ponies.
5. Janelle needs to write more books like this one!

My personal favorite is #4. I really do need to qualify my leased ponies.

Meine Mutter fehlt mir. =(

"In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends"

Liebe wunderbare Kameradinnen (Dear wonderful comrades),

I would not be the clever, witty, funloving, awesome, modest person I am today if it wasn't for you guys. Thank you for everything. Shit's tough right now, I know. But everything will be okay and I say that with 100% confidence. I wish I could be there but unfortunately, I don't have an extra $1,000 lying around. =( Please know that you guys are on my mind every day and that I love you more than yogurt covered pretzels, Matt Damon, chocolate covered gummi bears, the batting cages, Audrey Hepburn, David Sedaris, crossword puzzles, Time Crisis, and coke COMBINED. =)

Look how much of an emo webcam whore I used to be:

January 2002


I forgot to mention hardcore, too

I'm looking through my old webpages. I miss my niece, Jamie.

we belong together <3

Is it just me or has the move from 35mm cameras to digital ones convinced everyone that they're America's Next Fucking Top Model?

Rauchen kann tödlich sein. (Smoking can be deadly)

Here's to heeding the advice on my last pack.

Because I answered Mark's question about wanting things in my last blog, Julia has requested that I answer a question of hers. Seeing as how I care IMMENSELY about friendship, I shall.

If you knew that you couldn't fail at reaching your goals, what would you attempt to do and how would that change your behavior?

Well first thing's first- I'd learn to wink. I still can't do it without raising an eyebrow. I just look like I'm twitching which definitely isn't reeling in the fellas. After that, I'd delve into my passions: Putting an end to world hunger, economic disparity and the entire population of cockroaches. But really, if I couldn't fail at reaching my goals, they'd no longer be goals but more like everyday tasks. The world would just be my oyster and I'd do as I please. Someome might say, "Janelle, what are your plans today?" and I'd nonchalantly reply with something the likes of, "Oh you know, the usual- find a cure for cancer, rid the streets of Oakland of robbers and murderers and have sex with Matt Damon. FOR FIVE HOURS."

In terms of how my behavior might change, I'd probably walk around thinking I was the shit which I admit, isn't that much different from how I currently live my life. My head would probably be 10x the size of the rest of my body. I mean come on, how many people can say they kertanged Matt Damon for five hours?

I'd probably get bored real fast though because I'd basically be able to have my way all the time. There's no fun in that. Also, achieving my goals wouldn't be as gratifying. They'd probably stop making Nobel Prizes because I'd always be a shoe-in.

In conclusion, I'm glad that I can't achieve all of my goals. Can you imagine how crazy the world would be if I mastered the Harlem Shake or invented weight loss ice cream? Setbacks are necessary to help keep us grounded.

Anymore questions?

This alone time is really starting to suck. The first few days were okay because I was sick and couldn't really do anything anyway but now I just find myself soooo bored. Everytime I muster up the strength to do laundry, the washing machine is occupied. Then I get discouraged from doing anything else productive such as cleaning my room or arranging my sock drawer. I've tried to download all the television shows I possibly could but now I'm scared of going over my limit and getting my internet cut off. If my internet got cut off, who knows.

I went to my cell phone carrier store to fix my phone because it freezes everytime I try and check my text messages. Who knew I needed my damn bill to prove it was indeed my phone that I was trying to fix?

I also put in an order for contacts today. 50 fucking euros for two boxes which would've cost me $30 at Costco. My mom is too lazy to go to Costco to put in an order for me and send them. Well, she claims she has no time but we all know the truth.

It's 7:15pm and someone is using a saw. Granted I'm not sleeping but isn't saw work done during the daytime when people aren't home?

Someone asked me if there has ever been something I wanted so bad but knew I couldn't have or didn't know how to get it. For some reason, I couldn't think of anything. Well, there was that one time when I was five and wanted a pony but who didn't want a pony when they were five? Then I thought about people and came up with nothing also. I figure, if you can't have them, why bother wanting them?

Then I started thinking about things I'm passionate about. See what happens when you have all this free time on your hands? The associational processes NEVER STOP. I can't say there's anything I'm really passionate about. Aside from putting an end to world hunger, economic disparity and the entire population of cockroaches, of course. I've never really had a calling in life and it made me wonder if I'm just going to live a dull life without one.

After that, I realized that I'm pretty content with the life I lead. Aside from a few trivial matters, I have no complaints. So when I don't get things I want, it's not that big of a heartbreak because my life never sucked to begin with and I know I'll eventually get over it. It's all about appreciating what you already have.

In conclusion, even though I wasn't able to go to Italy, got sick as a dog and am forced to spend more than a week all by my lonesome, it's not that bad. Things could be worse. I could be held at gunpoint or contract an STD (thanks for the suggestion, Stella). And now I can catch up on my reading and HOPEFULLY get some God forsaken laundry done. =)

The days are passing by slowly but surely. It sucks that I had to come home early from my vacation but there's not much I can do about it now. I'm sure that if I had stayed in Munich it would've gotten a lot worse and I wouldn't have enjoyed my stay in Italy as much afterwards. Who knows if I would've even been able to make it. =( I definitely feel mountains better though. Thanks for the medicine, Schlaffschwanz. =)

Being sans the Plastiks is kinda lonely. I did, however, meet some girl named Helena in the Tagesraum today and had dinner with her and her friends. It was weird. I was just sitting there translating everything they were saying in my head. I couldn't really join in on the conversation because a. my German is REALLY bad and b. they were talking about dentistry, something I give a rat's ass about. They also didn't really invite me into their conversation either. Will called me and asked me if I wanted to listen to some metal LPs with him and Shawn so I took my brownies and hightailed it outta there.

I asked my neighbor from Spain if I could practice my Spanish with him since it had been such a long time since I had used it. Jesus H. Christ I SUCKED. I couldn't even remember simple words like "week" or "weather" or conjugate verbs. I could only think in German. Then when we were done talking, I was chatting with some girl in German and I answered her in Spanish. My brain is going fucking nuts. I'm surprised I can still speak English but even that's getting worse. I'm pretty sure if I heard Tagalog or Ilocano I wouldn't understand anything.

In other news, I ran into my neighbor in the kitchen and he was obviously really high but he was cooking like a ten course meal. Talk about munchies...

"We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care for."
-Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

Prior to coming to Germany, I used to worry about what people thought of me. Even people I couldn't care less about. But now I'm here and I don't give a rat's ass. I'm not saying I have no kind of regard for people's feelings but everyone just needs to get over everything already. Things aren't as big of a deal as they seem. I am in Europe and it's no holds barred. WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST MAKE OUT, SPOON AND BE HAPPY?